A brochure on gambling in the City of London.
Las Altas Finanzas
Sunday 26 May 2013
Forget Las Vegas, forget trying to break the bank at Monte
Carlo. London’s fabulous Las Altas
Finanzas has it all. From key locations where
high rollers play for the biggest stakes, to small independent bookmakers and
even a metaphysical betting stand. If it’s largely determined by luck or
unprovable but fun, Las Altas is the place for you.
If you are interested in complex financial products check
out the exchanges. These epitomise the
final stages of our heady capitalist society. If more traditional stocks and
shares are your thing check out the London Stock Exchange, where you can mingle
with brokers who think they know it all.
Want to get right up to date what about trying your hands at spread
betting. Sports fan? Why not check out
the myriad of betting shops where you back a horse, your favourite football
team or even the outcome of the X-Factor.
Thinking slightly more spiritually then don’t miss Prophette and
Shaman. The world’s first and only
Metaphysical Bookmakers where you can put money where your beliefs are.
The City of London, the “square mile” is anything but. Still in its heyday following the “big bang”
inspired casino banking explosion of 1980’s, it was here that the high rollers
placed the biggest bets that brought the banks to their knees. AIG, Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns &
Co. all made bets at the markets in London creating the unparalleled atmosphere
you can still enjoy today. IG spread betting set up shop in 1988 to let you
bet on things you have no stake in.
Innovations have just kept coming.
So you know if your are in Las Altas you are at the forefront of
gambling activity anywhere in the world.
Use this handy guide to navigate your way round the best of
Las Altas’ betting attractions. Soak up
the atmosphere where fearless traders bet on anything from traditional mortgage
defaults, food price collapse, retail crashes, bankruptcy of local governments
and institutions, horses, football teams and the afterlife.
Don’t think you have got what it takes to succeed in these
markets? Think again. Evidence shows that the pattern of winners
and losers in financial markets is mostly explained by luck. Literally there
are so many players in London you will always find some lucky punter for whom
everything just seems to work out. It’s
simply luck. If you win you can tell all your friends that it’s your strategy,
your smarts. If you lose just chalk
another one up to lady luck.
How it works (On back fold)
The loosest slots (Shares)
Shares are to Las Altas what slots are to Vegas. Ever popular, everyone‘s into it. Think the guy who picks the top performing
shares year after year is some super financial whizzo genius. He’s not.
He’s just like you and me. Markets
mostly move in unpredictable ways. But with so many players, so much activity
you will inevitably see patters where there are none. It’s like a great big hall in which thousands
of people are tossing coins. If we let
them toss often enough were going to see some “surprises”. A guy throwing lots
of heads in a row. Lots and lots. Don’t be fooled into thinking he’s
special. He isn’t. It could just as well be you. So get in there my son. Have some of that. You have to be in it to win it.
Poker Fun (Options, Futures and Swaps)
Clever punters don’t waste their time on the slots. They know it’s all just noise. Head over to the other exchanges. Legalised gambling? Insurance gone crazy? In Las Altas the clever punters don’t waste
their time on online casinos or at the racecourse. The big money comes from
selling derivatives, allowing others to gamble on the outcome of something they
have no stake in. It’s like insurance
only far more exciting. Say you believe
that your neighbour’s house will burn down this year. Your neighbour has insurance which means that
if his house burns down he will get compensation. If he has insurance your neighbour is making
a bet that his house will burn down, and pocketing the winnings if it
does. He’s happier, but could anything
be more dull? Why not make it more
exciting why don’t YOU bet that YOUR neighbours’ house will burn down? It might
be worth a punt, after all, if his house burns down your’s might catch
fire. But let’s go to the next
level. Imagine you can insure yourself
for 10 times the value of your house if your neighbour’s house burns down and
yours goes up as well? (Match anyone?).
Or imagine you could insulate or isolate your house so that
if you neighbour's house burns, yours is protected, but still get ten times the
compensation if his burns down. Or
better still why not bet on a house burning down in a different city? Why not
the whole city? The remoter the better.
See where we are going with this? There is no risk to you and you gain
from the misfortune of others just by taking part. But don’t try this with your house insurer,
they won’t let you. Meanies! Which is
why Las Altas is so special. It’s like
the house burning example on nitro glycerin. The outcomes you can bet on are limitless and the bookies that take
these bets are gagging for more. They will let you bet on almost anything.
So what’s the catch?
Well as they say there are only two certainties in life: death and
taxes. You are going to die, I’m going
to die, but while we are living you can bet we’ll be paying taxes. Those taxes are the key ingredient (the nitro
glycerin). The banks can take on these
risks because they know that at the end of the day they are “To Big To Fail”
and governments will step in when the casino finally closes its doors*. In the meantime enjoy the ride, it might not
last very long….
Endnote: Many people worked very hard to sweep away to the red tape
and bureaucracy so that Las Altas could be the special place it is today. So don’t forget that although those bankers
are certainly key players, they are supported by an unsung cast of sleepy
officials and special interests who continue to work hard to make it happen.
*to make this all easier the banks make the bets as complex
and obscure as possible. That way by the
time anyone figures out that this is all a big fun experiment in misery making,
the party will be over.
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